Geezer Humor

This quarter's contribution comes to us from Shirley in Arkansas.

Darn, I'm older than dirt!!

Someone asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"
"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up", I informed him, "All the food was slow."
"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"
"It was a place called 'at home'," I explained. "Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table. If I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it."

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.

My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 11, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God. It came back on the air at about 6 am, and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home ... But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. He had to get up at 5 am every morning.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Older Than Dirt Quiz:

Count all the ones that you remember, NOT the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.

1. Candy cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephones
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (There were only 3 channels!)
7. Peashooters
8. Howdy Doody
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi's records
11. Metal ice trays with lever
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Studebakers
15. Wash tub wringers
16. Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
17. Ignition switches on the dashboard.
18. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
19. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
20. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Rating:
If you remembered 0 - 5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6 - 10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
If you remembered 15 - 20 = You're older than dirt! THAT'S ME!

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