Christmas News Navigation:
Three short examples
01 A practical joke
02 My grandparents die
03 English Tour
04 Barn swallows
05 Buying hubcaps
06 Group photos
07 Mr. Science
08 Backpacking, Middle English
10 Comfort Clothes
11 Marmots and Texas
12 Eagle, Turkey and Emu
12 Accident and Hike
From Alert Readers:
01 In the Foothills
03 Things unsaid
04 11 Kids
05 Multiple Choice
06 . . . bit my ear
07 Facts and Stats
08 Neiheisel Review
09 Family and Horses
10 Sing a Song
11 The Professional
Erma Bombeck & Martha Stewart
Around the World
Coping with DUI
The 12 McQ's
Other sections on my web site:
[Kathleen H---- writes:
"Each year, I keep a notebook in my purse and jot down the funny things my
kids say. I have four kids and a job and can't possibly keep scrapbooks
or baby books up to date, but keeping track of quotes is easy. I started
including them at the end of my Christmas letter about ten years ago, and
pretty soon they became most of my letter."
Laurel, crying to Mom, "Bobby's secreting to Tommy and I can hear him! He's a tattle-terror!"
Bobby asked Tommy, "Do you know what feces is?" Tommy says (with conviction), "Yeah! It's a type of animal. Actually, it's a whole bunch of the same type of animal, like birds or fish."
Laurel tells me, "Monsters aren't real. Dinosaurs ARE real, but they're all dead. They fell into the crack in the earth along with all the dumb people." I asked, "What dumb people?" Laurel said, "You know, the ones with the big heads who lived in caves and walked bent over like this" (bends over dragging hands along the ground like a gorilla ... or a Neanderthal.)
Bobby, while driving through a city, asks, "Do you think God would be impressed with what we've done with the place? After all, when he gave it to us, there was nothing here."
Bobby, after hearing about the life of a stay-at-home mom, says, "That's what I want to be when I grow up! A stay at home mom!"
Laurel asks, "Why does the song say 'three French hens' ... Hens can't even talk English!"
Tommy couldn't believe that the advanced boys' baseball league was called such a juvenile name as "Pony League." "What's after that?" he asked disgustedly, "Unicorn League?"
Tommy saw a kid from class at the grocery store. "That kid used to be Filipino, but now he's English."
Isabel and Laurel were having an argument. Laurel said, "Isabel always wants what she wants. She thinks she's the queen of the earth." Isabel asked, "Why are you so mean?" Laurel answered, "Because Jesus made me that way."
Isabel's suggestion for a caption for our rafting picture: "Unfortunately, no H----s were killed or injured while creating this photo."
Laurel, complaining to Mom, "You always say tomorrow - but when is it ever tomorrow? Tomorrow never comes!" (Existential, isn't it?)
Isabel, in the car, "That guy just flipped you the bird, Mom!"
Tommy, listening to Weird Al's spoof song "Fat" hears the line "My shadow weighs 42 pounds ... I'll tell you once again, I'm fat." Tommy laughs hysterically and says, "Everyone knows shadows don't weigh 42 pounds - they only weigh like 2 pounds!"
Laurel takes a swig of my old Coke in the car. "What's wrong with that Coke?" she asks. "It's flat," I answer. "Well, I think it tastes better when it's round."
While explaining the water cycle to Tommy, Isabel's ears perked up and she said, "Are you telling me that the water I'm drinking now has been around since the Roman times, and that the molecules could have, at one time, been pee? That's disgusting!"
Tommy said, "I'm more mature now that I'm 9. " I asked, "How do you know?" He said, "Well, for example, I don't even care anymore if the gummies I'm eating are princess (shaped) gummies. It just matters that they taste good."
I was mentioning my 81 year old mother's new diet in the car and Bobby was shocked. I asked, "Why are you so surprised that Grammy's on a diet?" Bobby answered, "Well, when you've only got about ten more years to live, you shouldn't go on a diet."
Laurel, concerned about dying, tells me, "I'm going to miss myself when I die."
Isabel says to Bobby, "You know Bobby, when I get married, I want you to be one of my bridesmaids ... No you'll be my 'bridesman." To me she says, "Bobby really is one of my best friends, even though we fight sometimes." (Sometimes!!??)
I said to Bobby, "You've always liked mint." Bobby replied, "Yeah, because my Uncle Craig is a mint farmer and I have his DNA swimming in my veins. Daddy has more of the mint-loving DNA, of course, because mine's been kind of diluted by you, but there it is."
Laurel says, "It's not fair that Isabel's hair is prettier than mine. Mom, why did you make Isabel's hair better than mine?"
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to one and all!
Kathleen, Phil, Isabel, Bobby, Tommy, Laurel, Fabio and Lucy
This is one page of over four dozen devoted to Christmas news letters. The main Christmas News Letters page has links to more examples, plus some general guidelines and specific suggestions for writing Christmas news letters. If you have an example, either good or bad, that you'd like to share with the rest of the world, send it to me and I'll add it to these pages.